When talking to your family about your future plans, have you ever noticed the face they make or their body language? Have you ever felt pressure from your family to follow their traditions? Have you ever felt like you are constantly searching for their approval as if your dreams were their dreams? 

Not every person is the same and only those that have experienced this type of judgment will understand the feeling. Being the eldest from all of my siblings and being an only child, my mother and grandmother had high expectations of me – but especially my mother. I remember having a wonderful childhood, but as I got older I started fantasizing about my future dreams. As far back as I can remember, I used to love singing and dancing to Selena and Gloria Trevi. They were my idols! Then, when I turned 11, I remember listening to Britney Spears when her first album came out in 1999. I memorized all of her songs and sang from the heart. One day I had told my mother that I wanted to sing and take singing classes, but unfortunately her answer was not what I expected. She looked at me at said, “Escoje algo que te va hacer alguien importante, no un trabajo de fantasia” – in other words, “Choose a career where you will be someone important, not a fantasy job.” I listened and chose to ignore my dreams.

Once I became a teenager, my family felt that I was becoming a rebel. Someone who had no control and no consideration for others around me.This all came about because my mother had been convinced by a witch lady that private school was better than public school and that she should switch me. So what happened? I was taken out of the public school district I grew up in with all my friends and got sent to a small private school with stuck up rich kids always bullying other kids and making fun of them. I hated it! I was used to my friends where a new pair of shoes that you got once a year was a big deal for a whole month! And let me just say that the day before leaving for the new school, I had written a poem and won an award for it. I had good grades and was very happy – this was all in seventh grade by the way. From junior high up until my senior year in high school, I was sent to the principal’s office at least once a week either because I was wearing makeup, or my skirt was 3 inches above the knee, or because I had painted fingernails. 

As I got older, I noticed one major fact about the women in my family. They either were the provider of the family while the husband stayed at home or the man would go to work and the woman would stay at home. Also, the women that were the main providers of the home still had to come home to cook, clean, wash, and take care of the children’s needs while the man rested. This psychological fact about my family – I never understood because my grandmother supported it 110% and still does to this day. So, how do I come into play? I was labeled the black sheep of the family because I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to settle down at a young age and serve the husband. That’s not me! 

Over the years my future dreams changed, but one thing always stayed the same – I was not going to serve a man… ever. Today, I am married for a completely different reason and not for the reason it should be. I love my husband and he respects my ideas, but not my family. For example, I’m considered the main provider of the family because I make more money than my husband, but my job is just as hard. The work may not be physical, but it’s time consuming and very stressful. Apart from that I attend the university full-time and I have 3 kids. According to the women in my family and my grandmother, I need to dedicate myself to my children and husband. “Tu tienes responsabilidades en la casa que tienes que atender.” Translation to, “You have responsibilities in the house to attend to.” First of all, my responsibilities are taken care of because I have a husband that helps me when I ask for help. If I don’t have time to make dinner – he will make sure the kids are fed, if I can’t make it on time to do homework with them – he will sit down with them and ensure it gets done, if he needs to wash clothes – he will do it himself and not wait for me, and finally when we have family parties WE BOTH serve his family and they need to clean up after themselves – I’m not a maid. That’s not what my grandfather crossed the border for. Even though I am criticized, I stand my ground and acknowledge the fact that I have been labeled as the black sheep of the family – and that’s okay for me. Their opinions of me will not change the fact that today I have held as much, if not more, work experience of an educated executive. I have to also constantly remind myself that I am attending a prestigious university and that I have gotten this far with my own will and the support of my husband. 

The Solution

1. Don’t worry about what your family thinks of you – it’s your life, not theirs’. They had their chance already.
2. Do what your heart tells you to do – don’t let your family’s judgment navigate your future plans.
3. If possible, get a mentor – this way, if your family doesn’t support your dreams, others will AND with experience.
4. Don’t force your kids to be something they don’t want to be – this killed the relationship between my mother and I.
5. Finally, if you can dream it, you can be it – today I hold a job position that I had dreamt of 5 years ago. Now, my new goal is even further since I proved to myself I could accomplish my dreams.